Site Map for Santhology.com

Rolling up a window shade is such a routine everyday activity that it couldn’t possibly be fun to read about. Right? Um, well…

Warnings: (1) This true story is R-rated and unsuitable for children. Contains mindless violence, rampant paranoia, and the murder of plants, ants, and the English language.   (2) This essay is possibly deranged, and certainly unsuitable for the literary influenza élite, so if that sounds like you, please skip it. Or just look at the pictures, which don’t even require that you know how to read!

Maybe I’m really just a sim? Or a bio experiment floating somewhere in a vat of mad-scientist goo? Or, assuming my body actually exists (wait — I’ll try slapping myself. Ouch!), I still question whether our “knowledge” is all delusory. Anyway, if you’re interested in high school sex, sports, and philosophy … or even if you’re not … you should check out this essay, which reads like fiction (a short-short story) except that it actually happened.

If you’ve ever fantasized about a different career, and bragged about it to your cats… or found yourself staring into the mirror wondering where your life went… or felt humiliated in a job interview... or stumbled into a seedier neighborhood than you’re used to… you might enjoy this story. (The rest of you should get out more.)

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I call these Word Tales because each brief story depicts people using (or abusing) words, and then…um…climaxes in a single strange word. I guess I should admit that I read dictionaries and language-usage guides for fun. (I was an English teacher for a couple of years, so I’m legally allowed to do this.) Don’t worry, these aren’t disguised didactic definitions or pedantic perorations — they’re real short-short stories, just oozing with everything that makes literary types go all moist and dreamy: characters, dialog, a simple plot, and … well, that’s about it. Hey, I promise — it’s nothing like an English class! Calm now?

I wrote and designed three sheets for a consulting company about the challenges of doing business in China. The first describes their new business unit, called “The China Project”; the second, which reads almost like fiction, talks about the Tarim Basin oilfield; and the third sketches typical business scenarios for companies doing business in China.

I was sub-contracted by an ad agency to help promote an energy-conservation organization. This was a ‘pure creative’ assignment: my job was to provide concepts (headlines, body copy, and visual ideas), not to do the final work. This assignment was a little more consumerish than I usually get, but is still (in a general sense) professional-service oriented.

I wrote, illustrated, and designed a 16-page brochure for a small, élite consulting company with Fortune 500 clients. In this sample I’ve excerpted text from the latter part of the brochure, which contains descriptions of their services. I also show thumbnails (small images) of some of the brochure pages.

An ad agency sent me into a well-known consulting company to conduct a series of interviews with some of their group (department) heads. The goal was either one main brochure, or a series of mini-brochures, about some of the different consulting groups within the main consulting firm.

Sometimes, instead of delivering a packaged result, a client wants me to adopt a very flexible approach, where I provide just the mix of advice and deliverables that their staff needs to complete the project themselves. Read about how I did this for one unit of the Mas sachusetts In stitute of Technology, and how it turned out.

There are certain kinds of business writing that I can’t show or even specifically list on this site. This confidentiality is bad for my portfolio, but good for my clients — and I take the agreements I sign very seriously. This short piece describes a few types of confidential writing that I do.

Tech writing isn’t my main focus. But I do have a strong geeky side, and I’m able to make certain kinds of technical communications less dry and intimidating than what you usually see.

Scientists think birds are descended from dinosaurs. In other words, T. Rex didn’t go extinct — it just evolved into Gwahir the Windlord and Daffy Duck. Don’t believe this? Just listen to them tweet! Oh well, it makes sense to me.

I know you’re expecting me to say something profound about the piece, but I can’t, because it isn’t, if you see what I mean. Not only that, but these descriptions are threatening to become even longer than the things they describe.

My checkered romantic history was either exciting or depressing, depending on how you look at it. Actually I’d rather you not look at it, but it will only take you seconds to look at this odelet.  (An odelet is like an omelette except you make it with scrambled odes.)

By the way, if you’re offended at my stealing (and warping) a title from Shakespeare… you’re on the wrong website.

Sometimes simple things just need to be said, you know? On the other hand, sometimes they don’t. Anyway, I think this piece is fun, but frankly, it won’t leave you a better person or anything.

This piece has all the makings of a Hollywood hit: mass violence, religious mania, a cast of thousands, and food! And all in eight lines!

I wrote this while under the demoralising influence of Proust, and a particular sonnet by Shakespeare. If you can figure out which sonnet, write to me; you might win something. (You won’t, but you might.)

A cartoon-illustrated montage of various ways to get in touch with me, including a text box you can type into directly. Who says contact pages have to be boring?

A few words about what I do for a living and the services I offer. Told in the third person as though somebody else had written it. (That’s how you know it’s the “professional” version!)

A somewhat longer, and much more personal, version of my bio — although it’s still centered on the work I do (since that’s pretty much all I do). Explains my weird name and touches on my even weirder childhood. Told in the first person; illustrated with some of my pencil sketches.

I programmed this mini-application to let you easily send someone a link to this website. Before deciding whether to send the message, you may (if you like) read my strong privacy pledge, preview exactly what will be sent, or even transfer the message to your own email program for editing. Mouse over the buttons for a quick explanation of your options. It’s really easy to use!

Studies show that most readers never visit site maps — which is understandable, since they’re usually pretty bland. Calm down — I mean the site maps, not the readers! Well, maybe the readers too. Anyway, here on Santhology.com, this siteus mapuloso (that’s Latin for site map) is the main way to get around; in fact it’s the only way to find everything that’s currently available.

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On many sites, the home page is the main navigation hub. Other sites do the opposite: their ‘Home’ isn’t much more than a decorative book cover. I’ve taken a middle approach: I try to make the home page interesting, and it links to key sections, but it isn’t the main way to navigate — this site map is.

You’re currently on Santhology.com, which focuses on my work as a writer; but I’m also an illustrator. (Yes, I’m serious about both.) Sanstudio.com is a graphic-arts site where you’ll find my illustrations, sketches, and award-winning Cartoon Stories for Thoughtful People. You might notice a family resemblance to this site — once you get past the home page, anyway.